It's been 3 months already without a post? I did want to come back like about 500 times but always got too lazy or forgot about it. I've decided to do it today because well, I am bored and I don't want to sleep although I'm tired.

Prelim 2 ended today, so I took a really really good break, thanks to Jia Hui. I have to say I definitely did better than Prelim 1, but I am still frustrated that I just can't get some things right even after repetitive encounters with the same questions. As the final month draws closer, I hope that God will take care of everything. Somehow I just don't trust that everything will be fine. I definitely believe that God has everything planned for me, whatever happens, it is all meant to be. But then again, I can't just sit here and wait, so it feels like I have to do something but I feel that I can't make it. As late as it is, there is always time to put in just that bit of effort even if it won't produce the result I want.

Since June, things have been going downhill from tests to just plain work. I mess up little things and keep forgetting things, recently I've been wondering what I am actually good for and I have come up with the answer: Unnecessary stuff. Life is beautiful, even more so with each day that passes, but I really wonder why I am in it. Maybe God just gave me an opportunity to appreciate life. Maybe I'm supposed to teach others how to appreciate life. Maybe that's the reason I'm so terrible at school, grades are not needed for my future. After 3 months, with sufficient motivation, I have decided that I just want to be part of the people who try to fix poverty in the future. Reading the Geography textbook motivated this, the recent interview also showed me that what I really want to do is just to help others. I trust that God will provide the funds for my well-being, my job is just to take action and lend a helping hand to those who are suffering. That is probably what God has been trying to tell me all along, I am just going through education because it's part of life, but if my future is really about providing aid to the less fortunate, I should not worry too much about grades. I just hope that my theory is true. If I am not one to eliminate poverty, maybe I am supposed to encourage others to look on the bright side like I used to, to tell them why living is so great. I am probably meant to remind others that they are very fortunate people compared to those who fight for a grain of rice. If that is the job that I should take, I hope that God will tell me soon.

I'll just end here for now, too much to think about. God, Please let the next month pass quickly, but before that, help me as much as possible.